I’ve wrestled with this concept for awhile. What does forgiveness look like? Are there levels of forgiveness or degrees of it? Or is it all or nothing? Why is it at times easier to forgive while other times it is one of the hardest things to do?
Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a “conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness”.
What if the person you need to forgive is gone? What do you do with the anger that lingers? How do you possibly forgive them when they are not around? This was the concept I wrestled with for this particular painting. I wanted to show the chaos of the anger felt (due to losing a mother so early and being forced to be a caregiver for my 20s) but also the sweeping lines and blended background of analogous colours representing the calm emotions that overcome you when you finally do forgive. It truly is a conscious decision for you to forgive. It is a choice and sometimes it's a daily one and at times it’s just one decision to move on.
When it’s a continuous one, the hurt goes deep with long lasting scars you carry with you. But they are not badges of honour but an anchor that keeps you from moving forward to a calmer you.
The most important concept I’ve learned through this creative process of painting my emotions connected to my journey of loss is that “Forgiveness is an act of self-love”.
The biggest lie that we have been told to believe is that forgiveness is about the other person. It’s actually more about the respect and compassion for the self than it does with the feelings about the other person. The anger you feel towards them can turn into a toxic cycle that can prevent you from moving forward. By forgiving, we say that nothing comes before our own peace of mind, not even the concept of being right or getting even. By blaming someone else you actually attack yourself by reopening those old wounds and relive the hurt all over again. It can be a damaging cycle to your psyche and disrupt your emotions in ways that you might never know or understand until you forgive.
Blaming someone else does very little to the person who has hurt you. It only ensures that we relive the cycle of suffering caused by the initial hurt. Do you want to continue within that cycle or do you want to move forward?
When we choose to forgive, we interrupt that cycle by leaving that pain in the past. Letting go of the anger, frustration and hurt. So the next time you struggle to forgive, remember, forgiveness is a radical act of self-care in that it restores our peace and faith in the truth that there is always peace and healing after pain. You need to work through the pain to get to the healing stages of your grief.
